dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
