I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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