If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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