My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
