i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
