We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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