just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
