I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
