yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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