Your mouth is God's brothel.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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