Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
