I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
