Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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