So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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