Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
