My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
