Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize