end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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