is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
