I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm passing your future prison.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
