recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize