nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
