She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
