Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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