Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
