I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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