Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
