evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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