he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
