Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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