Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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