Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
