How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
