do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
