So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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