I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
