I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
