so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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