I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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