you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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