Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
