come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
