You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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