Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
