When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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