Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
