I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize