no, he came in my armpit
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
