it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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