I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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