but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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