I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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