I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We got so high we made milksteak
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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