areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
