hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
