i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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