I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
