Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize