my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize