1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
