Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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